I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
