TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
