My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
