"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize