You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's blow job season.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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