By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
