the condom got lost in my hair
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
