Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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