in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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