How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
