Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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