This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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