I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
