Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
