Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
