Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
