He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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