Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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