just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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