He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im six kinds of drunk right now
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
