Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
