I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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