He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
