Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
