ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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