Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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