When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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