Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
