i already hear my dad disowning me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
