My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My cat gives me a boner
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize