the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
