Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
