So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
