this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
