There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
