If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
