apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
