Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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