I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
