please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
