Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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