I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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