White coat. Heels.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
