I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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