TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
