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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?

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• (516): View more from New York

  History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars

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