omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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