It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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