there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
