happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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