Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
