you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
