It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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