all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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