I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize