can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
