I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
