I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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