I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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