i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
