Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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