You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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