Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's shark week go big or go home
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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