1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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