i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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