in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
