this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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