In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
