Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
