I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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