i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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