Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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