I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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