i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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