look no pants
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
