He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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