I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
