You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize