Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
