Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
