guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
