I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
