so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize