Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
