I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
