She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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