he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
